So I quit one of my jobs. It's been a long time coming and for one reason or other I chose to stay on a little longer each time, but now I have left. No dramatics, no problems. Four years down the line and so much had changed, I just had to move on. It's one less wage (but lets face it I wasn't working much anyway) which may cause problems later but for now I am happy, it would seem. Thing is, no-one knew, no-one noticed and no-one bothered. Ok, I know I was only working a few hours a week and I have changed shifts a few times in the last year so I wasn't working with the same people I started with, but surely four years service gets at least a goodbye? It appears not. A card with a few "I'll miss you" or "good lucks"? Not today. The obligatory present that everyone grudgingly donates £2 to? (I would know I've probably donated about £50 over the four years I worked there to many, amongst the people I didn't even like and the people who were only there for 3 months) No chance! I knew I wouldn't get a present, I was pretty sure about the lack of card, but I at least expected a goodbye. I guess I'm not the sort of person people miss, or the sort of person people even remember.
Do you ever get the feeling that no-one ever remembers you but you ALWAYS remember them? I'm that person! I'm the one who is re-introduced and the one who ends up saying hi to someone I met before who thinks I'm a stranger. Someone you've met before will be like "Hi, I'm Mr. Bawbag". Yes, I know, we did this whole routine before. "It was nice meeting you". Maybe I should say that to everyone all the time. Even my mum. "it was nice meeting you [today] mum".
Oh well.
Also, uni is ending. This is a proper end of an era. I want it over so much, but I also want more time to do it properly. I keep thinking that by the end of May it will be all over, my fate will be sealed and I can live my life properly. At the same time I'm like SHIT its APRIL?!?!!? I swear it was the end of January like a flash ago. I just want to do well now. And I am fed up of having to feel sorry for the people who don't achieve as much as I do. I'm sorry, but for me a 60 is a bad mark. Even if its a good mark for them, its still a bad mark for me and I don't want to feel like I'm just lucky and they have to toil... I work unbeleivably hard for what I get. I didn't go to university to work to fund a night life 6 days out of seven and wrecklessley "stress out" for one day a week to get that elusive 60. For me this is the 9-5 and the rest is periphery, especially this year. I'm not a loser for having my dissertation completed half way through January - I planned it and worked for 3 months in summer to do that. I'm not lucky, and you are not unlucky. I know there are people who work really hard and get whatever grade and will hate me saying all this. I have a lot of sympathy for these people, they are just like me. But I really do get the feeling we are the exception to the rule. There is no way I am going to look back and think that i could have achieved more. Why plan for regret?
Finally today means that it is 5 months and 27 days until the wedding. Holy moley thats getting close and the above means I've been putting no effort into planning it. I dont care though, whatever happens as long as Stuart and I actually get married, I couldn't care. People keep asking what about the dress, what kind of car, have you arranged the photographer? &c., but (aside from the ceilidh) the thing that I'm excited about is having a husband (especially one who is made of the same as me). We bought our rings, I guess they are the material representation of this and I can feel exicted about that for now. Until the end of May though, there are more pressing issues than at what precise time the sham-pagne will be served.
Yes, so it is the end of an era, but it all feels so natural that I don't think i will actually notice it happening. I handed in my last essays the other day and, listening to my ipod, the music managed to fit it (without planning) perfectly, like a wee soundtrack american drama style. I dropped the essays in the box and the song changed and then it all got serious. In other news though me and Stu and Flore are going to Bowlie 2 in Decmeber for a road trip to butlins to see Belle ans Sebastian... good times!!
try this next time you hand in your essay. On the way to the box (adam green - buddy bradley) and as the essay drops in (belle and seb. - wrapped up in books)
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